In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
