This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Floor bacon is actually really good
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
