Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I deserve this hangover.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
