No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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