I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she was so not down for the gang bang
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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