____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Holy sore nipples Batman
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
