if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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