I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
