i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
