So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
