My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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