She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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