You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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