Welp...herpes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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