I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
