At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
