So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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