you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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