I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
