Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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