Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
