What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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