How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize