I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
