the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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