His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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