youre lurking in front of me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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