id be glad to
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
