We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
