i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
