She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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