You made me cry and you don't even care
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
