sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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