I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
