where am i from again
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
