toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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