Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i now understand why vodka
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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