I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
