i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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