I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you have to choose: penises or morals?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
