I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
