So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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