On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
