I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
