You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
