I have demons in me.
I just threw up on my dentist
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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