so that wasnt chicken after all
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize