youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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