Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I came so hard my ears popped.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
