I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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