i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
