she looked like the before picture.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
