I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
