I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize