I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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