I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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