Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize