It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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