About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize