I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
