and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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