i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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