so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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