Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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