Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
