I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
