Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am mentally ready for anal.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
