My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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