Don't you send me to vm
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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