I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
