they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
