Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize