I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize