There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
