the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
