So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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