Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
