We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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