whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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