she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
