i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
