I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't put those talents on a resume
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
