Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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