i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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