the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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