My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
