Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize