Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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