Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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