oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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