I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
