Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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