i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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