Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
ok first of all what the fuck
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
