i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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