I'm going to jail i love you
It's Friday. Sex?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
