I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
