the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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