And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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