she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
