Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
