I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
