so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
