Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
