When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just google imaged poop.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
