ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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