So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize