i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
